Things Lost in the Divorce | Mary Ferguson

one mug
green with white polka dots, famous for earl grey with
two sugars and a splash
of milk.
the left side of my bed.
the song of songs
              (I am for my beloved, my beloved is for me).
the ability to differentiate between you
and the hallucination.
Pablo Neruda, who could write the saddest lines and
taught me to say I love you.
All those spaces in me that you filled
now
throbbing —

i thought to myself yesterday
how is it possible that I am going to die without kissing you again
i lost so many things to you, things i’ll never get back and I will go the rest of my life

not kissing you

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gold + gleaming

I want to discover you the way
I discovered poetry
rock solid bone deep and my words
sinking like stones
I want to see the dancing and the light
the fragility and the fear
bent open backwards
the edges paper thin and caustic
I want to explore the ridges of poetry
your body gold and gleaming drowsy with heat
I want to find you vital and violent
Hungry and heartsick

everything that makes the air force itself into my lungs and then
back out into yours.